Lately Lesbian by J.D. Simmons

Author:J.D. Simmons [Simmons, J.D.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: BookBaby
Published: 2019-01-23T07:00:00+00:00

Chapter 29

Over a month had passed since Jessie and I reconnected. No doubt about it, my feelings for Jessie were deepening as I got to know her better. She was easy to like, and I liked the person she had become. I propped open the door and allowed her to make herself at home in my heart.

The next natural step for us was to become intimate, but for so many years the line had been drawn in the sand and neither of us had the courage to cross it. To step across that line with Jessie, I believed, would answer many, many questions I had carried in my heart and mind for over two decades. I had no clue about making love to a woman. Just the thought of it evoked strong feelings of anxiety, fear, and excitement. But deep down, without a doubt, I was on fire to have sex with this woman. When she was near, my sexual attraction to her was unquestionable. She was a refreshing breath of fresh air, and I felt as if I had been awakened from a long sleep.

Jessie and I met for dinner one night and talked intentionally of a rendezvous. We both understood the significance of this step. On a lazy Sunday afternoon in November, I got dressed with careful deliberation and had a nervousness that was so palpable I worried that Paul could see it. The night before, I told Paul that I planned to go shopping; a fat lie. When I left my house, I drove to a nearby city. On the drive, I called Jessie, so I could give her directions. I arrived at the hotel first and checked in like I had done this hundreds of times. When I unlocked the door to the room, our room, I felt jittery and scared.

There was serious consideration in my head about my conscious slow walk toward infidelity, and I knew I still had time to back out. I comprehended this adulterous step and how wrong it was. This was a premeditated act. In moving forward, I was signing up to become a card-carrying member of “The Cheaters Club.”

If I was the good Christian, devoted wife, and role model mother I always strived to be, I should walk out of the room this minute. If I wanted to end my marriage with Paul, I needed to leave him first and not muddy the waters with an affair. Not trusting my instincts enough to walk away before I found out if intimacy with a woman was something I not only desired, but wanted, I didn’t have the guts to leave Paul. I never considered myself a selfish person, but I made a selfish choice and reasoned there would be a price to pay, but I felt powerless to turn back. Jessie’s reappearance in my life was something I had only dared to dream about and I had to know; I needed life-changing answers, and I believed they were only minutes away.

I paced back and forth in the room waiting for Jessie to arrive.

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